We
know you have your reasons for joining, and we also know that the
reasons you’ll stay will be entirely different. Trust us on that one.
People tend to join for the image, the props and the social stuff. They
stay around for the friendships and because they find a place where they
can impact the lives of others. It’s a family. We know this. Soon, you
will, too.
Soon,
these letters will be yours. But, there’s one lesson that we need to
impress upon you before you sign your name on the dotted line, pay that
first fee, and get that first t-shirt. It’s the single most important
thing we’re going to ask of you, so you need to listen and understand
it, now, before you say “yes.”
It’s
the one most important thing that any fraternity or sorority can
impress upon its new members. It’s the one lesson that every group must
impress upon its newest members. Truly, our survival as an organization
on this campus, and nationwide, depends on you understanding this one
simple lesson and taking it to heart.
It’s
more important than our history, our traditions, our structure or our
rules. Because, if you don’t understand this most fundamental lesson,
then none of the other stuff will matter. If you don’t get this one
“golden rule of fraternity,” then your son or daughter won’t have this
kind of organization to join someday, and all of this will just be a
fuzzy memory.
Here it is. Ready?
From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.
I’m going to repeat it.
From the moment you say yes to this organization, you are always wearing your letters.
We’re
not talking about t-shirts, or sweatshirts, or hats made in the colors
of the group. We’re not talking about a tattoo on your ankle, some party
favor, or a badge you wear on your dress shirt.
What
we mean is that when you say yes to lifetime membership in this group,
everything you say, do and represent from that moment forward is a
direct reflection on this group, your brothers and the thousands of
members who have come before you. Everything you put out to the world is
a direct reflection of this fraternity. Every decision, every
achievement, every mistake you make happens to all of us from this point
forward.
When
you go to the grocery store, you represent us. If you fall asleep in
class or earn a weak grade, you represent us. When you drive down the
road and slow down so a pedestrian can cross the street, you represent
us.
When
you turn 21 and hit the town, you represent us. When you become a
leader of another campus organization, you represent us. When you insult
someone or talk badly about another fraternity, you represent us. When
you break up with someone and make decisions about how you behave during
that difficult time, you represent us. When you go on Spring Break, you
represent us.
When
you go home and sit at your mother’s dining room table, you represent
us. When you get a job and go to work for a company or organization, you
represent us. When you commit your life to that special person,
someday, you represent us.
You are always wearing your letters.
From this day forward, always. Every day, in every situation. They never come off.
As
surely as if you tattooed these letters on your forehead. It doesn’t
matter if you’re wearing a jersey with our name on it, or a business
suit at an interview. You have to assume that every person you meet will
form a permanent opinion about fraternities – good or bad – based on
how you interact with them. Every good thing you do builds us up. Every
dumb thing you do tears us down.
We
live in a time when the actions of one man or one woman can kill a
group like ours. One person who acts in a way that is inconsistent with
our shared values can end a hundred years of tradition and pride. One
choice you make on a Friday night can take away everything that
generations of men have worked to build.
All the stuff you see that belongs to us can be boxed up or thrown out, because of the choices you make.
If
this seems a little intense, that’s good. Because it’s serious. If it
sounds like too much responsibility, or if you don’t think you can
behave in a way that reflects well on us at all times, then walk away
now. Do us the favor. We won’t think less of you. In fact, we’ll thank
you. This sort of commitment isn’t for everybody.
But, don’t say yes unless you understand.
We’re
not asking you to give up anything. We aren’t asking you to become
something you aren’t. We’re asking you to become something more. We’re
inviting you to become part of a group of men who make a promise to take
care of each other, every day. We’re asking you to become the very best
version of you that you can be.
We’re
asking you to take a leap of maturity and to go to that place where
you’re the same, honorable, dignified person on Saturday night as you
are on Tuesday morning.
It’s
a big deal, and not everyone can do it. Forget everything you’ve heard
up to this point. Forget how much you might desire this, or how much we
might want to bring you into the group. Just clear your mind and ask
yourself one question.
Are you ready to never take them off?
Because
when you say yes, you’re not just putting letters on a sweatshirt.
You’re putting them in your heart. You’re forever stamping your identity
with them. Everything you are, from this point on, becomes who we are.
You
will make mistakes, and brothers will remind you of your commitment.
There will be times where you will see other brothers forgetting their
promise, and you’ll need to remind them. That’s part of this whole
“fraternity” thing. We work together to make ourselves better men who
stand for something. We carry each other. We matter to one another.
If
we’re doing fraternity right, then we’ll make you a better man. If
you’re doing everything right, then you will make us a better
organization.
So, please think about it. Take it seriously.
Because
if you say yes, these letters belong to you as surely as they belonged
to our founders. If you say yes, these letters become your
responsibility forever.
That’s the promise.
This article was reprinted with permission from the author.
Who is T.J. Sullivan?
He's a guy who has spoken to more than 2 million
college students since 1992 on topics including alcohol, sex,
confrontation and innovative leadership and the co-founder and CEO of
CAMPUSPEAK.
